Updated: Aug 17, 2020
Exposing myself for my solo project has been pretty terrifying. So thanks fellow musicians and my producer for bearing with me; you guys rock.The music I have been working on exposes some parts of myself and my life that I have often had a really difficult time speaking about, and some of it is pretty literal and heavy; stay tuned.
That being said I've actually spent most of my 20's speaking out about sexual abuse, being the child of an addict, my trauma, and advocating for those who may not be at a point in their healing journey to advocate for themselves. I have done this so that other's don't have to experience what I have, or at the very least have the appropriate resources to deal and cope with if they do. I have been SO hyper focused on prevention and raising awareness, and I've been so caught up in being proactive that sometimes I don't allow myself to bask in the darkness... and just fucking feel it. Sometimes, I struggle with connecting to it and accepting it for what it is... my truth.
So, I'm just gonna say this. I am human, and being "strong" is HARD WORK and isn't some inherent reaction. Being truly strong also doesn't look like how social media depicts it. It is a choice ( 100%), but, contrary to popular belief, it is also breakdowns, going days without showering ; TMI, but sometimes I'm a smelly beast. It's forgetting to look after myself, second guessing everything, trusting my gut, questioning my purpose. It's hibernating, ignoring messages, scheduling in self care, reaching out, retreating, and THANKFULLY doing what every other crazy writer does, writing. It is continuing to keep going despite set backs, and dark times.
So, despite being terrified I'm going to share those pieces of myself with all of you in all of their messy, musical ( debatable), freaking glory and try to find some sense of purpose in it all.
Be gentle with yourself throughout your healing journey, but keep moving forward. Surround yourself with people who are growing, no matter the rate. Progress is progress.